Former NXT Champion Aleister Black is this week’s special guest on Chasing Glory with Lilian Garcia, and is actually the long-time WWE announcer’s first ever guest from the WWE NXT brand.

We highly recommend checking out the full interview between the two, as a normally stoic and silent Black gives an incredibly emotional and introspective look into his psyche, opening up about his own personal demons, battles with anxiety, and the steps he’s been taking recently to experience “authentic happiness” for the first time in his life.

Below are transcripts from Chasing Glory, which is of course available on iTunes and all major podcast applications. You can also check out the podcast section of LillianGarcia.com for more information.

(To all web editors, if you use any of our transcripts in your articles please give a H/T to ProWrestling.com with a link to this article.) 

WHO CAME UP WITH THE NAME “ALEISTER BLACK”? 

“It was a collaboration between myself and Triple H. We started shooting names back and forth, and he — I think he saw what I was trying to do, and he shot me a name. I said, ‘I don’t hate that but can we use these letterings, and can we put it this way,’ and it came out to be Aleister Black.”

WAS “ALEISTER BLACK” INFLUENCED BY THE UNDERTAKER?

“I understand that people think that, because there is a certain element of me that has [the dark side]but there is only one Undertaker, and I could never, never fill that void. I’m the first Aleister Black, and there is never going to be a second one. The legacy that Undertaker has made — I don’t even know how to put it into words. He changed the landscape. Is Undertaker indirectly responsible for Aleister Black? Sure, because he opened the door to darker characters. He was the first one to really take it to that level, and allowed an audience to see something that wasn’t so clean and cut.”

“Interestingly enough I gravitated towards him when I was older. I didn’t grow up watching WWE. I was 16 I think when I saw my first ever WWE pay-per-view. I wasn’t aware of the Undertaker [before that moment]. I grew up watching New Japan and WCW because that’s what we had in Amsterdam. I gravitated towards him because I love the aura. I loved that it was a character that I could relate to, but I would not say that I’m the modern day version of the Undertaker.”

HOW DID IT FEEL TO WIN THE NXT CHAMPIONSHIP?

“This is life. This is all I’ve ever wanted to do. I was 14 when I told my History teacher that I wanted to be a professional wrestler, and she was the first ever person to take me seriously. I wasn’t a good student. I just didn’t care. I was just not interested — I didn’t fit that mold. What I was interested in wasn’t being taught, and I couldn’t sink my teeth into it.”

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“It’s about the experience for me. Getting the NXT Championship was definitely a victory. It was a victory over my mental state — it really was. I wanted to make that victory about people with mental problems. I wanted people to know that no matter how far that you feel like you’re sinking, you can still swim up. You can.”

“Did it make things easier? No. It made me very happy, but immediately my brain went into — time to go to work, even harder than we did before. It never slows down. I’m never content, which is sometimes good, but sometimes very bad. It’s a big reason why the anxiety is there. I feel like I’m never good enough. I feel like I’m never doing enough, or chipping in hard enough. I can’t take a compliment. If someone says, ‘hey man you did a good job!’ I’m like, I gotta do better.”

“It comes from a strange need I have to always self-improve, to the point where it can become toxic. I can’t enjoy anything. It’s always — that was good, gotta do better. I will hammer myself down 20-times harder for the one little thing I did wrong, than for the 50 things I did fantastic. It’s terrible, but I think that’s the life of an athlete.”

IS HIS ULTIMATE GOAL THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP?

“Yes. But the goal is just to always one-up myself. Sometimes people ask me ‘what has been your favorite moment in your career?’ Ask me when my career is done. I can’t give you that answer right now. Ask me on my death bed and I’ll tell you.”

DOES HE WANT TO MOVE TO THE MAIN ROSTER SOON? 

“No. I want it to be what it needs to be. If I need to go up, then I’ll go up. If they want me to stay here for awhile, then I’ll stay here for awhile. I want it to be the best that I can be. I always feel, no matter how hard I train, try and do that I’m not good enough.”

In a moment of extreme vulnerability, Black also opened up about his struggle communicating with people, admitting that at times he feels a “disconnect” between himself and the others around him.

“I like being on my alone all the time. I can take it for what it is. I will say — and I don’t know if this because I’m very introverted, or I’m a recluse, or because I’m European and we have a different mentality and way of thinking — but I do sometimes feel that I have a disconnect communicating with people. I just don’t always get it, and I don’t know what ‘it’ is that I’m not getting, but I feel there is a disconnect between me and other people when I’m talking to them. Is that me? Is that where I’m from? I don’t feel understand. I feel there is always a distance. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had an issue communicating. I feel like I’m never understand, and I don’t understand them. There’s a disconnect.”

“I have anxiety and certain mental issues that I think sometimes prevent me from having that connection with people have with each other. It feels like — you know when you watch cartoons, and they can’t figure out why the bomb doesn’t explode, and they put the wire in and everything explodes? That’s kind of how my brain feels sometimes. That wire that’s not connected, and when it does get connected it’s like — overload.”

Black also shared another emotional story about the moment when he realized he needed to make major changes in his life.

“I had a conversation with one of my therapists and she said, ‘Have you ever been happy?’ It took me 10 minutes to answer that question. I honestly could not count one singular time where I felt that I was happy for an authentic reason. I’ve been happy, but not authentically happy. That is a big truth ball that you’re giving yourself. I had to change myself. I’m still trying to every day.”

“I had a lot of bad relationships, and toxic relationships with people that I should not have been with. They tried to change me, and I tried to rebel against them by doing things that I shouldn’t have been doing. People that always tried to have me save them, and I can’t even save myself. On the outside people see this powerful individual that’s covered in tattoos, that’s a professional wrestler, that has taken life by the throat and made something out of himself. No matter what my aesthetic is to you, I am not what you think I am. That is a very difficult message to translate. I’ve had women that were so head-over-heels in love with me that they just lost all track of myself, and that’s not what I want.”

“There’s been some growth over the last three years, and especially over the last four months. I’ve had a big self-revelation and really decided, actively, after cutting out the last bad parts of myself, to become who I want to be. That’s going to take a lot of time, but for me to actively stand up and go, ‘no more’ — that was a big part of happiness that I’ve recently experienced. I allow myself, instead of always kicking myself down. People in my past have always looked up to me to save them and take the wheel. It’s not a good call by those people. There’s no one in the world that’s going to do it for you. If you don’t love yourself you’re not gonna [trails off…].”

Lillian Garcia then directly asked Black if he loves himself:

“No. No I don’t. I hope so at one point. I believe that I will. It’s better than it was yesterday, and the day before that.”